It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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