She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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