I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
