rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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