Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
