I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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