you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
