Please, let me fuck your mom
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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