guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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