i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize