Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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