sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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