So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He shit in the fireplace
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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