dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sext me about skeletons
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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