when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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