No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
