Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
