Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
