I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize