Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
