the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize