Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
