You just made me feel so damn special
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
