She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
