I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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