His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
