You're my little dorito
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize