dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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