Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize