Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
