I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
