You can't motorboat a personality
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
