Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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