Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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