I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
