You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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