bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
