Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize