I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
