everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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