You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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