my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
