that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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