being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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