The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
