What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
