You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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