He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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