you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
