Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
