I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize