hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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