I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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