It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
