I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I supernannyed him into submission
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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