Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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