Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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