bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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