i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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