Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
