PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
