I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize