I wish I could punch you in the face.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
