I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
