I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
