So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
