This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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