I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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