i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
