Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
