There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
