tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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