Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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