Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
