We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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