OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
