I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
